The Secret To Winning at New Year’s Resolutions
It’s that time of year again! December—the month when we are filled with the optimism of a new year and begin to develop slogans like “New Year, New Me.”
Let’s admit it—resolutions have a terrible reputation. They’re like bad relationships: full of promise initially but quickly fizzle out, leaving you ghosted by February.
Do you remember how we grab our journal (or open a fresh Google Doc) and draft an ambitious list. “I’ll lose 20 kilos, wake up at 4 a.m., go to the gym, make healthy breakfast, read a book, and finally organize my kitchen.” You might even color-code it because, obviously, organization is your new thing now.
But come February—or let’s be real, the second week of January—you’re hitting snooze, eating bread for breakfast as usual, and avoiding the gym like it’s a haunted house. By March, you don’t even remember where that journal is. Sound familiar?
Where We Go Wrong with Resolutions
Most of us, I included, treat resolutions like a to-do list from hell. Here are the classic mistakes:
We Set Unrealistic Goals:
Deciding to lose 20 kilos in a month or learn how to be a gym pro in two weeks? or “I’ll be waking up at 4 a.m. daily” -but can’t even function before 9 a.m. on steroids-.Sure, why not? If Netflix taught us anything, it’s that it’s possible to change our lives in 90 minutes. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t come with a soundtrack.
We Have An All-In-All-Out Mindset:
Miss one gym day, and suddenly it’s, “Well, guess I’m not a gym person after all. Pass me the donuts.”
Focusing on Behaviors Instead of Identity:
You tell yourself, “I will go to the gym three times a week.” But you don’t believe you’re the kind of person who works out. So the first bad day, your old identity (Netflix-and-chill) swoops in so fast.
We Want To Achieve Too Many Goals:
The downside of developing a growth mindset, we get overwhelmed by all the things we now know we are able to change, trying to overhaul every aspect of your life simultaneously is like juggling a tray of eggs—you’ll drop them and probably lose them all.
We Dont Make Room For Failure:
You forget that motivation dies faster than your phone battery at 2%. When things get hard (and they will), you don’t have a plan to push through and make room for the days you’ll faulter.
Why Identity Is the Real Game-Changer
Here’s the truth: if you want to stick to your resolutions, don’t just change your actions—change who you are. Borrowing from James Clear’s Atomic Habits, the secret is in adopting an identity aligned with your goals.
For example:
Instead of saying, “I’ll go to the gym,” say, “I am a healthy, active person who takes care of their body.”
Instead of saying, “I’ll read a book,” say, “I’m a reader.”
Why does this work? Because your brain is weirdly loyal to your identity. If you genuinely believe you’re the kind of person who works out, skipping the gym feels wrong. Your brain whispers, “This isn’t us anymore.”
The Identity-First Approach to Resolutions
Here’s how to embrace a new identity and stick to your resolutions:
Start Small (Seriously, Micro-Tiny):
Want to be a healthy person who regularly works out? Start by putting on your sneakers and walking around the block. Identity change happens one small win at a time.
Reinforce the New You Daily:
Every time you take an action aligned with your new identity, celebrate it. Say, “Look at me being a reader!” even if all you did was read one sentence.
Expect Failure and Plan for It:
Motivation will dip, and life will throw curveballs. When it happens, remind yourself, “This is who I am now.” Let those “failures” become learning moments, not the end of the road.
Be Kind to Yourself:
If you mess up, don’t throw the whole resolution out the window. You’re human. Progress is messy. Just pick up where you left off.
Here’s the silver lining: failing at resolutions doesn’t mean you’re hopeless—it just means your approach needs tweaking.
Cheers to a New You
So this coming New Year, don’t just write a list of what you’ll do. Decide who you’ll become. Whether it’s “a reader,” “a kind person,” or “someone who folds their laundry the same day,” let your identity be your guide.
And if you do drop the ball by March, don’t sweat it. Just pick it back up—maybe with a little less guilt and a lot more self-compassion. After all, the goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be better.
Happy New Year! May the odds of resolution success ever be in your favour!